Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My dick has a subreddit
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
