Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
