I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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