I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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