After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
