Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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