I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
