I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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