hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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