There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
