have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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