He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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