32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
