I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
