I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
