What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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