I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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