Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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