At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
