Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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