my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she woke up with a sticky ear
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
