is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Mom said you looked used
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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