yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
