I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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