Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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