Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
