tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wear drunk well.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
