Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
