she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
