But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
