I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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