i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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