So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
