He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
