Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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