she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
