i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
