Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
