how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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