She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
