i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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