She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
