He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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