i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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