Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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