i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
