i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize