he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
