party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
