apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
