I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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