K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize