i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
