Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
