i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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