I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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