And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
