last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
