I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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