We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Houston, we have a blender
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
