I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
