gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
