I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
