90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
bring money and cleavage
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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