If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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