you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
