Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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