My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
