are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
