oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
