Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
