Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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