He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
as a side note pls kill me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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