can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
