do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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