I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
