somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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