yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
