She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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