Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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