sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
