I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
