dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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