Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
