Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
