Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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