i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
