i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
