We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
