Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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