i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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