Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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