quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
