Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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