If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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