and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
