you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
