guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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