i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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