do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize