Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
