I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
