Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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