I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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