We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Green mimosas i think yes
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
