I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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