So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
