There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
