haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
