I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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