Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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