Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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